Annals

[apolliana]

Fall 1999, probably
"There is a deep mystery in the thoughts and associations that make up what we call a 'world.' I'm not sure whether I want to crack this mystery or present it to people more clearly as mysterious."

Spring 2000
"Is the peculiar quality of this 'beholding' state of mind that it is a state in which we 'see' whatever we see 'as' nothing in particular--not even, perhaps, its rudimentary definition ('tree, 'field,' etc.) . . . . Meaninglessness does not suffice to make things aesthetically compelling, does it? It must be a promising ambiguity . . . .

But often the intellectual state of contemplation is similar to this, and articulating these thoughts to describing a compelling image, a tree in sunlight. The way we [or maybe just I] stare contentedly at a thought that looks promising before investigating it is like what? Perhaps a better analogy would be regarding a landscape, a 'view,' from a distance, then approaching it . . . . It does not lose its beauty as we walk into it, but the view changes."

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It's weird to see relatives of recent thoughts in my previous selves' writing. I wonder if I should be keeping up with all these records (mostly scribbled on scraps of paper, undated) so I don't have to reinvent the wheel over and over. But maybe they fell by the wayside for a reason; their time wasn't right; or my thought-forming-process was less refined. Or maybe I really should just type them all up and backdate them. I never know what to do with the past.